Floccinaucinihilipilification

So. I've been pondering the relationship between my antisocial tendencies and my conflicting desire to be accepted and admired by my peers. So far it seems pretty dysfunctional, as relationships go. I am shy and pretty insecure when I first meet people, so I'm pretty quiet. Then when they start talking, most people seem so different from me that I assume they'll either not like me because they'll think I'm too spoiled, not like me because I'm so liberal, not like me because I'm not so into religion, not like me because I have a college degree, not like me because I don't have a graduate degree, not like me because I'm too fat, not like me because I'm not pretty enough or cool enough, not like me because I'm too big of a snob, not like me because I swear or because I say gross things, not like me because I'm too quiet, not like me because I talk too much, not like me because I ask too many questions, not like me because I'm not really a partier, not like me because I'm too responsible, not like me because I'm not working in "my field", not like me because hell...who knows...because I'm happy. Which I really am, but which contradicts strangely with how socially insecure I am. The other thing that contradicts with my insecurity is that I'm truly not interested in hanging out with people that much. I have trouble returning phone calls and emails, I almost never just email them on my own, and even rarer is the time I'd actually just call someone on my own with out them calling me first (and specifically telling me to call them back). If I only had one free day I'd prefer it be spent either with Brett or alone, rather than with others, but if I have two I'm usually interested in making plans for ONE of the days. I can't decide whether or not I'm dismissing society or society is dismissing me. I'll talk a little more about my duality in my promised second post of the evening...