"Staging" can S my C.

When you put your home on the market, you can't just like, leave it as-is. Well, you can. You can also do a lot of other things that will end up biting you in the ass in the end. Unless you reeeally don't care how much money you make from the sale, and you just want the whole process to be over as quickly as possible.

Since we're not buh-gillionaires, and we're moving closer-in (which means buying a more expensive home, or a smaller home, or both), we want to make as much money as possible from this sale. While also not waiting for fo'evs to sell it. So the main things we're focusing on are:

1) Fixing up our shit yard. I wouldn't say we're 100% "indoor" people, exactly. I really enjoy outdoor shopping, and hanging out in other people's well-maintained yards, but I never had to do yard work as a kid, and from what I understand B didn't have to do much either, so our yard looks kind of like...well, you know sometimes how there are little ravines on the side of the road, like, under bridges that don't actually cross over another road or something? And the naychur underneath isn't exactly forest, but it's not exactly meadow? That's kind of what our yard is. Minus the fast food garbage, trucker bombs, and sleeping hobos. (ZOMG. I wonder if someone's ever HIT a hobo with a trucker bomb before. Poor hobos!)

Anyway. So we're having people come and bid on tidying up our yard. Hopefully it won't cost an arm and a leg.

2) Packing up our shit belongings. Basically, anything we don't absosmurfly need for the next few months must be tossed into our Pods box and hauled away. The less stuff is left in the house, the roomier it looks, apparently.

And all "personal" things (photos of people we know; books that send messages like, "I speak several languages AND hate the current political administration;" our cats; etc.) have to either be packed up, or hidden. Clutter has to be hidden as well. My mom keeps telling me not to forget that even the TOASTER has to be off the counter. And we can't cook. Well, we can "cook," but we can't COOK. No onions. No garlic. No fish sauce. No curry. Nothing that has a strong smell.

And since we have to de-clutter our pantry as well, we're packing up the wok, crock, bread machine, stock pots, steamer, etc. So basically we'll be eating either grilled food, blah food, raw food, or OUT. As soon as I heard that we'd be packing up our kitchen, I kept asking, "but what do we EAT? WHAT DO WE EAT?"

Nobody really had an answer. Which didn't surprise me actually, because frankly, I don't think most people give a shit WHAT they eat. But I do. I like my food to be good, or not at all. Brett knows; I'm reeeally irritating about it.

3) Painting, having the carpets cleaned, and having someone come in and clean everything else. Because according to my parents, I have no idea how well these crews can clean, and I probably COULD do it myself, but I won't want to. Apparently they use toothbrushes like, everywhere. And caulk. And everybody loves caulk! I know *I* do.

I guess typed out in neat little steps like that it seeems like pretty easy work. But it's not. Right now I'm stuck on the packing part, and it totally sux0rz. I've promised Brett that by Saturday (by the time Saturday STARTS, not by the time it finishes), I'll have alllll of my art supplies packed up. I haven't started yet. And! You may not know this, but since I like all kinds of artsy stuff, and I get pretty much whatever I want, my "art supplies" take up about a quarter of our whole basement. Yarn alone will fill a whole large box. And then there are acrylic paints, oil paints, watercolors, canvases (some of those won't even FIT in boxes, actually), my easel (I don't want to pack it!), big huge drawing pads, misc chemicals (toxic/not, flammable/not), wire spools, sewing stuff, my sewing machine, beading stuff, stacks and stacks of paper, about a million different essential oils, dyes, pigments, blah blah blah. Bitch bitch bitch. I don't wanna do it.

God this is a horrible post. I just really don't feel like packing. I hate packing. And I didn't get enough sleep last night, so EVERYTHING is irritating me today. I've said "_____ can S my C." like 8,000 times already, and it's not even dinner time yet. Woo!

But here's something a little more fun:



Apparently, this is what I would look like if I were Asian. And had an even bigger chin than I already have. Click here to see more!