Boo.

I just read about the shootings at Virginia Tech this morning, and it made me so sad. Maybe I'm over-sensitive, but I don't think so. I just don't understand how people are even capable of that sort of thing.

Brett and I were watching something on tv last week about someone who'd killed someone else for some stupid, trivial reason, and he said that he believes ANYONE who has a desire to kill anyone else is mentally ill. I agree.

If I'm in a situation where it's kill or be killed, I hope I'm able to go through with taking that person's life in order to protect my own life (or someone else's, if they're unable to protect themselves), but I don't think it would even OCCUR to me to kill someone unless I'm in that kind of a situation.

How do we end up with human beings who are so disturbed that they end up making a conscious decision to murder someone? Let alone DOZENS of someones, many of them most likely strangers?

Whenever I hear about murder, my heart always goes out to the victims and their loved ones, but I also feel sad for the murder and THEIR loved ones (if they even have any). I could be totally off-base, but I feel like, for someone to be THAT disturbed, either they were born with a mental illness, or they must've experienced some really horrible things in life. Or both.

If the killer was BORN with a mental illness, their family may have tried everything in their power to help the person rise above their illness and find happiness and normalcy, but to no avail. Or maybe their family didn't even realize the person WAS mentally ill. Either way, after something like what happened in VA, they'll not only be grieving the loss of their loved one, but also grieving the loss of all the victims, and most likely feeling a heavy load of guilt and shame (rational or not) for the rest of their lives.

If the killer was born happy and healthy, but was abused, rejected, and kicked while they were down enough times to turn them into a mass-murderer, I think that's sad too. Lots of people who've had rough childhoods are able to get back on their feet and continue on with their lives afterward, but some aren't that strong. Or they don't find the right kind of support to get them through. Everyone handles hardship differently: if someone honks at me on the street I might feel flustered for a minute, but if someone honks at say...John Smith, maybe instead of feeling flustered he feels panicked, and maybe that panic leads him to scream obscenities out his window or something...who the hell knows. I guess my point is that if this kid's killer instinct was spawned from environmental damage, I feel bad for him. Because regardless of what he went through, he must've been in a hell of a lot of pain. Nobody wins.

Jesus...when I was in college I was having the time of my life. Well, actually, I'd say my life now is comparably good, and high school was (for the most part) pretty agreeable too, but still. College is fucking awesome. You're so young, you're FREE from your parents' house, your classes are interesting, you're basically living in a miniature city of teens and twenty-somethings, and you have your whole life ahead of you. And the weather is just getting nice too - spring quarter was my favorite time of year.

While I was reading about the shootings I kept thinking of how amazing my life was back then, and it broke my heart to think of the kids whose lives were cut short, and what all the survivors at Virginia Tech are going through right now. It's gotta feel so surreal - like the worst kind of nightmare, come to life. Some of them may never fully recover from this emotionally, not to mention physically.

Blah. This post is a downer, and Brett's always complaining that I let the news get to me too much (he's right, which is why I try to avoid paying attention to most of it), so I'm gonna stop. Besides, the doorbell just rang, and I think it's a package for ME! :D